Kochappan & My movie - ' Hurley and Nayar'

Let me share a secret with you. Of late I have been dreaming of make a movie !. Inspiration came from none other than you know who;especially his talk about actors and films.

I decided to present the matter for his opinion. i mustered up all the courage and did that.

'' I want to make a film''. In one sentence I gave it to him.I didnot look at him after delivering the blow.

As usual silence fell; without any breakages.

'' How did you get this idea ?'' the control in his voice was obvious. I could'nt control it any longer. I opened my heart out to him and poured forth; like John Keats did in 'Ode to nightingale'

'' My inspiration is from your tallk and the story reported in paper about the saga of marriage between Liz Hurley and Arun nayar.''

''Who are they?. Tell me how they inspired you.'' (to put it in a sequence) He asked and then said.

We Menons always put things in sequence ; force of habit. I requested his rapt attention as the story is little complicated. He agreed and I served it on a platter.

We Menons always serve in platters.

''It all started with LIz Hurtely's birth, growing to girl, becoming an adult, and finally a model and an actor at London.Almost at the same time another birth,that of Arun Nayar, took place in Sussex, and he also went through same stages of boy,adult etc but became a web designer. Till this point the story is fairly simple;just an example of two different people being born in different parts of U.K ( where Queen Elezabeth sat in the thorn for long years without injury) and growing in different directions like I and Kochappas.'' I paused and looked at him. He was listening. Encouraged, I continued.or I continued, encouraged; your choice.

'' Now the plot thickens a bit. Liz gets married to actor Hugh Grant and they live happily.

In Sussex Arun Nayar also gets married to an Italian actress , Valentina Petroni, and live happily.Years passed by, or fell off the caledar of their life without much noise.We Menons don't like noises even in stories.

The plot thickens. '' Hugh Grant, finding life little monotonous,started relaxing with Ms Hussley, another actress with un-developed mind and developed body.Almost at the same time Liz also finds her life bit monotonous , and starts relaxing with Steve Bing who produced movies.Steve Bing and Liz, in a joint venture, produced David their son.''

I had a glass of water and a peg of fresh air and continued.The plot thickens and darkens.

'' Meanwhile in Sussex, Petroni leaves her marriage, and Arun Nayar and proceeds in search of inner peace.Arun comes to London and sits on the banks of RiverThames.

Feeling little bit lonely ,he sings an old Mukesh number and after finishingthe song, spots Liz sitting alone singing a Stevie wonder number. Their lonely hearts understand each other. They relax in each other's company and decides to get married.Finally after going through litigations of divorces in their respective lives they get married, and the story ends with their arriving Palam airport in Delhi to board another Deccan Airways flight to Jaipur for honeymoon''

I didnot look at Kochappan. I didn't have the courage to do so. I waited for some response.

'' This is the story of your movie?'

'' Yes''.

'' Hmm, hmm''.came the response; that was like cold water in Sahara. I looked at him . he had a
faint smile on his lips.

''What next?'' He enquired. '' have you thought of a producer, director, cast crew etc for this?''

I have few people in my mind.and reluctantly I told him '' I will request Guru to produce the movie. The story of course is mine. Lyrics can be jointly written by two talents; Guru's wife and Jayashree. Both have written and proven to be good. I have the ad man Ravee in Arun's role. Iam yet to think of other actors, music director, director, hugh grant, Petroni etc.''

'' Come what may I will make a great movie and people are going to like it; like they accepted Padmarajan's , Basuchatterji's, or Maniratnam's movies'' I added .

He smiled and I left him to meet him on Monday. He didnot discourage me totally. But I didnot understand one statement he made about my comparison with Padmarajan etc.

'' Aniyan, people may not know much about cinema making, but they defenitely know

Chicken shit from Chicken salad''.

I didnot understand what has chicken got to do with my movie.

Anyway I will clarify on Monday.!!!

Menon ( aniyan )

Kochappan's Theresa

Kochappan was on leave for last two days ; he was red in his eyes; no , not because of Anna Nicole. He got over it with determination and courage; but because of some infection.

I found him famished for news because of his inablity te read newspaper. I offered to read out the major news items to him; he was happy.

'' NEWS is information from ' North,East, West and South' '' he said. That was news to me.

I read out about Chidambaram's Budget to him. '' Projects and measures envisaged are so many and commendable, but how will be the deliverence of them to common man is to be seen'' was his comment.

His thirst for knowledge and news of various subjects made me read through political, economic and social news. Then came the question I was expecting.

''Any thing about Anna Nicole's burial?'' he asked.The melancholy in his voice was apparent.

'' The mystery about her death has been solved. She slipped on a banana skin and fell on the floor of hotel room. Police found a badly smashed banana skin from her room. Since the NewYork Police Department is good in Arithmetics, they added two and two together and got four and the cause of her death.'' I paused and waited till he swallowed the lump in his throat with a sip of lime juice, and after having witnessed the afore mentioned activity in silence I continued.

'' For the sake of clarity of the reason of her death ,a suitable inscription was made on her tomb'' I informed.

'' How does it read?'' he was eager.

'' Here lies the body of Anna

Done to death by a banana

It was'nt the fruit that laid her low

But the skin of the thing that made her go''

For a person whose first love has been language , Kochappan lit up ; If one has not seen the 'Makara Jyothi' , the mysterious lamp which lightens up at Sabarimala, Kochappan's' lighting up' is a sanctimonious substitute.The darkness gave way to light of British English on the tomb stone.

To be very frank, Kochappan restored himself to his old self , after a long time.

'' In Britain, in the year 2001, more than 300 banana related accidents took place. India, the largest producer of Banana in the world (16.5 million tones in 2002), followed by Brazil( 6.5 million), has not reported as many accidents''.

Be it Banana or Atom bomb Kochappan knows it all.

I stood up to leave. He also had to go to the doctor.I promised to meet him and read the paper for him tomorrow

'' Aniyan, There was a spinster Post Mistress, Theresa, in my village. Do you know what was the insription on her tomb?''.

Without waiting for any reaction from me he quoted.

'Theresa the Post mistress

Returned - un opened'

I was unusually happy when I returned ; not because of the state in which Theresa returned but because of the state to which Kochapps has returned.

menon (aniyan)

Kochappan, Anna nicole smith and the Fwd: [4TheLadsandGeezers] Anna...

There was a call from kochappan. He wanted me to see him in the evening on my way back from office.He sounded bit disturbed. He signalled me into the office room. His computer was booted .

He does internal audit of his organisation's accounts and himself.

'' Do you remember my being upset about the death of Anna Nicole Smith?'' He asked me.

'' Yes I do remember'' I confirmed. '' You also categorised actors by the part the anatomy

that contributes to their acting'' I added.

'' I got some more news about her passing away. She had been to the church on sunday and sang ' I will not pass this way again' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.''

He paused;sneezed and continued.'' she was admitted to the hospital in the evening ' she had trouble sleeping that night and requested for a tape of Fr.Gonsalves's sermons''

He paused; coughed and continued '' Police found an invitation from her church in her room.

' An evening of super entertainment and gracious hospitality dinner at 8pm;prayer

and medication to follow ' was the content.'' She had dinner, prayed, medicated and died thereafter in the hospitality ward of the church hospital.''

He paused ; audited his feelings and continued '' There was only one mistake in my analysis; that she belonged to the ' Behind' category actors''.

'' What category was she then ?'' I asked.

He paused;choked with emotion and continued to tell me the last line for the day.

''She used to act from her chest.See the picture below'', and retired hurt for the day.

menon (aniyan)

Kochappan's thumb rule

Having suffered two falls caused by my improvements in English, and the examples of the academic brilliance of the saucy Bipansha, kochappan approached me with appreciable caution and diligence, the like of which, according to his learned wife, he has never shown in the recent past.

Kochappan, in his inmitable style, would have decribed the sentence I have written above, as a glorious example of ' verbal diarrhoea and costipated ideas'.

Now that I have made a maiden attempt at perambulation of the Dr.Johnson variety, let me come down to the reality show.

We settled down with a cup of tea. I was keen on avoiding quoting film actresses to avoid further instances of gravitational pull , primarily considering the safety of the ceramic tiles of the flooring , on which, Kochappan is likely to find solace.

'' How is Komala and her school?'' He asked me. '' It must be tough teaching Social science

to students most of whom may not have a liking for it''.

'' I also thought so'' I told him."But she says that most of the students commit some spelling mistakes and misunderstanding of the meaning of few words here and there, but they all do well in their exams''.

He, being meticulous and studious, wanted examples.

'' About Napolean, they mention that he was a well known man but a bit unlucky.' Napolean wanted to have a heir to inherit his power but since Josephine was a ' baroness' she could not bear children for him'.'' I gave an example.

Kochappan was not satisfied with one. I gave him another one ; in fact two; of wrong spelling and confusion of ideas

'' Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest precedent and his mother died in infancy'' Was one, followed by one on Columbus.

'' Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic''

I looked at kochapps .Therewas no sign of any gravitational pull occuring. I was happy.

'' The thumb rule is that a Bhavans student is hall mark gold'' . I concluded.

He walked with me to the gate and then suddenly asked me '' Do you know what is real 'Thumb Rule' ?''.

I admitted ignorance.

'' It's an old English Law which states that you cannot hit your wife with anything broader than a thumb''. He continued '' It refers to rough and ready practical experience in getting things done.For eg, one can use the first joint of a thumb to measure one inch, the distance from the tip of the nose to the out stretched finger is roughly a yard and the width of the palm and closed thumb, is four inches'' . He stopped and smiled.

I felt like taking a walk. I walked along the pavement of the broad street. The recently done up , well lit street looked neat and wide. There was hardly any traffic. The street stretched in front of me; stretching itself for some sleep after bearing the load of life for a full tiring day.

I thought of Kochappan and all the conversations with him. I remembered the saying

' Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; I just gargled'.

There was no noise of traffic; the street was tired, drowsy and was in slumber. I ambled along ; without making noise, silently.........

menon ( aniyan )

Kochappan and Bipansha !

Anne Nicole smith is dead.

I was shocked. kochappan was also shocked. He had two shocks in a row; the first one because of my English, for which he fell, and now, this.How can he bear this tragedy !. I wanted to know more about his analysis of actresses and their talent. Anne Nicole of Hollywood died, for no particular reason, in a hotel room in Las Vegas.

'' Aniyan. They are no more 'actresses'; they are called actors to remove gender bias.Facial expression and effective delivery of dialogue are the assets an actor should necessarily have.

But now you can emote through any part of your anatomy.'' He stopped and went into thoughts ;about Anne nicole's anatomy.

Like William Wordsworth remembering the sight of the Daffodils: '' In vacant or in pensive mood they flashed upon the inward eye which is the bliss of solitude'', Kochappan went into inward eye searching for Anne Nicole smith. I woke him up, and with a sad face he continued.

'' Now lot of actresses, sorry, actors, leave others behind by, by their ' behinds' ;cameras zoom in on the emotions of their 'behinds' instead of their face. Anne nicole, Britney Spears all belong to this school of acting : something like the 'Lucknow gharana' in Hindustani classical music.''

Kochappan always believed in giving apt examples; hence the reference to the 'Gharanas'.

He was preparing to go to Anne Nicole again in line with Wordsworth , but I prevented him from doing so.

'' The others are those whose forte is acting from their heart, anatamically, their chest.

Sophia Loren, Elezabeth Taylor etc belonged to this.Priyanka Chopra, Mallika Shekhawath, Bipansha Basu all belong to this school''.

"But actors like Bipansha are knowledgable and intelligent'' I told him.

He had a sarcastic smile on his face.

I knew that kochappan had little opinion of the knowledge of filmi people. I told him that I can cite instances of their proving it in Quiz programmes. He challenged me to cite one example and I told him about Bipansha's answers in 'Kaun banega Crorepathi' on valentine's day.

He nodded and I gave it to him. Bipansha in KBC on Valentine's Day.

Who are 'Romans' ?Pat came her reply ''They are people who never stay at one place itself''

she won Rs.10000.

Kochappan was not convinced. I gave another sample.

''Who was Milton ? ''. Pat came the reply. '' Milton was that poet who wrote 'Paradise lost' and when his wife died wrote '' Paradise Regained'' .

She won Rs.20000/

kochappan moved a littile - in agreement with me.

'' Why is Brtish Empire called a land where the sun never sets?''

Pat came the reply .'' Because the British Empire is in the east and the sun sets in the west''

She added little more '' Queen Victoria was the longest Queen and she sat in the thorn for 63 years. Her death was the final event which ended her reign''

She won Rs40000/ for the answer and an adiitional Rs.60000 for the additional information.

He could'nt bear the weight of the knowledge of the actor.

He moved closer to me.

The last question before the hooter was - '' who invented the Principle of Gravity?''

Pat ---- --- -----.

'' Issac Walton . It is chiefly noticable during autumn when apples are falling off trees''

She won Rs. 2 lakhs.

Kochappan could'nt bear it any longer ! ,

For the second time, in this week, he fell ; silently !!!

menon (aniyan)

Kochappan's Fall

By the time I reached his house it Thirty minutes past Six .I wanted to tell him that I will be away at Calicut till Sunday, to do a training programme for 6th semester students on

'Career Craft' at NIT for MA Foi academy. He was extremely happy that Iam engaged in these activities.

'' Do you still write copy for the designers and the ad agency'' He asked.

'' Yes. I have written some more slogans for them and this time I have taken care to see that my English is good. thanks to you.'' I answered with joy.

I knew that he was ready to go for a wedding reception and was in a bit of a hurry.I asked him whether he will just glance at two or three one liners I had written.For me he will delay anything. He agreed.

First one was for a USHA brand toaster ; a one liner to attract tthe attention; a point of purchase display.

' A Gift that every member of the family appreciates ; automatically burns toast '

kochappan read it and there was this silence ; the one which falls without noise.

'' Making a toast would be better than 'Burning' a toast ; both for writing and eating.'' He suggested.

We Menons take good suggestions without questioning.

The General Manager needed a ' WANTED' notice to be pasted in the shop entrance for getting some girls from 6.PM to 9.Pm to work in their fruits and vegetables section.

I gave one - ' WANTED - Unmarried girls to pick up fresh fruits and produce at night'

Kochappan appreciated the correctness of my English but suggested a comma after produce, to give it the correct meaning. The other one, Kochappan said, would give an impression to people, that Varkey's is starting a breeding centre or a production centre.

We Menons ---- ----- ----------- ------- -----------.

The other one was for their manufacturing and packing unit.

' WANTED - Fifty girls for stripping machine operators in the factory'. Kochappan looked at it.

That thing fell again ; without noise.

'' Fifty girls as 'stripping-machine' operators would be more acceptable for a factory. Your English is good, but that would be apt for a cabaret joint'' . He opined.

The third one was for the same department store but for a social cause; sale of used clothes of the women members of of the church nearby;proceeds of which will be for the orphanage.

' SALE - Ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement'.

This time Kochappan fell ; with a thud sound !

This time also it was a question of a missing hyphen !!!

menon (aniyan)

Kochappan's silence

The train reached Bangalore Central 7.30.AM ; late by half an hour.
Kochappan may be have been waiting for my arrival at the main entrance for more than an hour. I hurried towards him.

when we were moving towards the exit we could see a huge gathering trying to force their way into the platform. On quieries we were told that they were protestors of the 'Cauvery water disputes tribunal's decision to allot more water to T nadu. The sleeping journalist in me woke up.I drew out my video camera and moved towards the protestors to get responses from them on the issue.

I asked my first question to a malayalee looking boy. He had come to B'lore to appear for a written test and an interview for admission to some management institute.

'' What are you doing here among them?'' I asked him.

''Protesting against the Cauvery issue''

'' How is Kerala connected and why are you doing it here in B'lore'' I was surprised !

'' You people don't read newspapers and are not bothered. Look at the people here. Even Kannadigas are concerened about Cauvery issue''

'' What are you talking ? my surprise grew in geometric proportion.

'' Saar, Cauvery the famous film and TV artist was blackmailed by another TV actress and it has put Cauvery in lot of mental agony. This had come in all Malayalam newspapers. These people are expressing their solidarity with her and as a Malayalee Iam joining them in the protest''.

I explained to him that these two Cauveries are different ;one is 'Kaveri' and the other one is 'Cauvery'. and also told him that the Kerala one is filmy. and the T' nadu one is river.

Having understood the difference between the two issues he repented losing an oppurtunity to go into 'strike' ; and went to the cafeteria.

'' Why are you not stopping the buses,autos ,etc from plying? that would have given you more publicity'' I asked the leader of 'Kannada Cheluvali ( vattal faction) who directed the episode.

'' Stopping the city buses, autos etc would have affected lot of old people , women and children ; by stopping trains only those who are leaving Bangalore will be affected'' He said.

I bent my head in reverence, for his love for the common man of Bangalore ; probably for the first time to somebody other than Kochappan and the Guru at Bangalore.

We went into the cafeteria to avoid the rush. There we met the Kaveri fan. He was bit let down; of losing an oppurtunity to join a protest.

I walked up to him and told him "If you can catch a train to kerala today I can suggest two hartals in which you can participate and make up the loss.''

''Please tell me sir'' He requested, pleaded,begged, etc, etc

'' At Changanassery a hartal has been declared by the trustees of The Siva Temple,in protest, against the temple elephant, running amock (because it got scared by noise of the crackers) during the festival procession yesterday.Timing is from 6.AM to 6.PM''

I stole a glance at Kochappan and continued. '' At Varkala near Trivandrum two youth died when their bike dashed against a tanker lorry. Earlier these boys did not stop the bike when they were waved to stop by the police for routine check.People blame the police and there is hartal for that from 6.AM for six hours.''

'' How was your test for admission'' Kochappan asked waiting for the crowd outside to disperse.

'' I lost number of days of preparation for the test because commitments to attend different hartals and bandh. But It was multiple choice answers and I did well.''

He wanted to know about some of the answers he wrote.One question he felt confused and answered wrong; the one on'Ten Commandments'-

Kochappan told him that Ten Commandments are not mutiple choices but an answer to one question.

He was very confident about the others. One example he gave to kochappan about his creativity in answering was on the expansion of the letters IBM. The ones he chose from the given options were the first and the last one.

Install Big Memories,

It's Better Manually.

International Business Machines.

Institute of Broken Marriages.

Inferior but marketable

''Those instances for hartal ; Are they true ?'' Kochappan asked me with concern.

''Yes. refer the Manorama news paper '' I affirmed .

A look of concern came to his face ; probably about 96% literacy level ; about God's own country.

The rest of our journey to our Guru's home at Jakkur was in silence.

menon ( aniyan )